using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
