I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to have your abortion
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
