i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
