Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Mom said you looked used
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
