Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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