who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nicole vs. Life
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
