I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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