i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
