halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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