he looks like a really good dad on facebook
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
