you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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