i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
