imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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