Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
