I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
