lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
