We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
