I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
