they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
