dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
