He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
