The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
