I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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