there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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