i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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