I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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