Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
