Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
