piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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