Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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