worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
