I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
