Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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