i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
