Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
