I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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