I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
