I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
