if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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