we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
