I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
