Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
