Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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