Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
