Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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