I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
