i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
