Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
