I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
