come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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