I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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