Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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