i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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