remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
